review for public announce about Mini-Debconf Paris 2010
Justin B Rye
jbr at edlug.org.uk
Mar 24 Aou 21:23:43 UTC 2010
Carl Chenet wrote:
> I'd would be great if my announce about Mini-Debconf Paris 2010 could be
> reviewed before posting it d-d-a at l.d.o. and possibly in other public
> places. Any advice is welcomed.
Others may give you some useful comments on the content, but I'm
mostly just treating it as if you'd posted to debian-l10n-english.
By the way, it's "my announcement".
> The Debian France association organizes the first Mini-Debconf Paris.
Is this a headline? It's good as headlinese, but if it's intended
as part of the "narrative" of the first paragraph you'll need
I'd guess the official English version of the "asso"'s name is
indeed "the Debian France Association"; but I'm not so sure about
"Mini-Debconf Paris". If that's the event's name, it's odd to
describe it as "the first"; if it's a description, it's odd to put
the modifier at the end. So how about:
The Debian France Association is organizing the first Paris Mini-DebConf.
> This event will greet everyone with an interest in the Debian project
> for a series of talks and workshops about Debian. Allowing Debian users,
> contributors and developers to meet each other is also one of the main
> goals of this event. We especially are looking forward to meeting Debian
> developers available worldwide ;)
I'm not sure what you mean by "available worldwide" here, or why
you'd be winking... Maybe just:
developers from around the world :)
It would be nice if you could find a way of reducing the number of
times the word "Debian" is repeated - perhaps it would be enough
just to leave it out before "users, contributors and developers".
> The Mini-Debconf Paris 2010 will be held at the René Diderot University,
> Paris, France the October 30th and 31th.
Paris, France, October 30 and 31
or October 30-31
(What I'd naturally *say* is "on the thirtieth and thirty-first of
October", but en_US styleguides tend to prefer the style above.)
> The related information is in the Debconf wiki . Il you wish to
Further information is in the DebConf wiki. If you wish to
> attend, it is *mandatory* to add some information about you on this page
> because of the University security.
because of University security.
for the sake of University security.
> We are in the process of defining the talks and workshops. If you wish
> to contribute, please let us know by dropping me an email or writing
> your talk/workshop in the Debconf wiki before September 15th.
>  : http://wiki.debconf.org/wiki/Miniconf-Paris/2010
No space before a colon in English.
The Debian France Association is organizing the first Paris
Mini-DebConf. This event will welcome everyone with an interest in the
Debian project for a series of talks and workshops about Debian.
Allowing users, contributors and developers to meet each other is also
one of the main goals of this event. We are especially looking forward
to meeting Debian developers from around the world :)
The Paris Mini-DebConf 2010 will be held at the René Diderot University,
Paris, France, October 30 and 31.
Further information is in the DebConf wiki. If you wish to attend, it
is *mandatory* to add some information about yourself to this page
because of University security.
We are in the process of defining the talks and workshops. If you wish
to contribute, please let us know by dropping me an email or describing
your talk/workshop in the DebConf wiki before September 15.
on behalf of the team
JBR - and today's single word in West Greenlandic is:
Pissusissamisuurpalunniavissumik "Trying hard to appear natural"
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